Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Curses! Trapped Like a Rat!

Spent much of my Sunday in my attic, continuing the plumbing project that by now Denise believes to be perpetual.  I was a bit fatigued when the day came to a close, so I decided to pour myself into several Margaritas.

Monday evening was spent with a bit of projecting, but mostly with a return to home brewing after a summer hiatus, whatever that is.  After a stop at More Beer in Riverside earlier in the day I arrived home with ingredients for an American IPA, a Porter and a Mild Brown Ale.  I fired up the IPA and it is now quietly fermenting away in the closet.  In about I week I will dry hop it and probably start on the Porter, which I'm planning to make into a Chipotle-Porter.

By the time I had mostly cleaned up from the brewing I was beat.  Went to bed and read a little bit from "Beer: Tap into the Art and Science of Brewing" (which was Nick's text book for the fermentation science course he took at UC Davis) and then passed quietly into sleep.

I was awakened sometime around midnight, by my wife, from a blissful sleep, the kind that you only really appreciate once you're wide awake and sleep is gone for good.  Denise informed me that there was a rat in the family room.  Apparently it had wandered in through a gap in the screen door.  How it managed to let Denise spot it I will never know.  I came out and started overturning furniture with no real expectation of finding anything; it was a rat after all.  After some fruitless searching it occurred to me that the windows were wide open, all the lights were on and I'm running around in my underwear upsetting furniture.

I retreated briefly for a pair of shorts and then resumed the search.  Unfortunately for this rat, it lacked the patience to just wait for me to give up and go to bed. It leaped out from underneath some exercise equipment (an excellent choice of hiding place, considering the remote likelihood of our ever finding it under there) and about scared the crap out of me.  It hid again, bolted again and eventually ended up in the kitchen hallway, leaping at the door like it was trying to reach the knob.  I had opened the patio door wide, in hopes that it would panic its way out of the house, but no such luck.  The chase continued through the laundry room into the half-bath where I thought I had it cornered.  It made an end run back out the door and then committed a fatal mistake with a right turn into the pantry.   The second right would have led out the patio door.

With it cornered in the pantry I started excavating the miscellaneous tins and boxes to try to get at the thing.  With it uncovered and cowering I pinned it in the corner with a mop.

At this point it started SCREAMING:   Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh, Aaaahhh, Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh, Aah, Aah,  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh, A-ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh,..............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

About this time I was thinking that I should have given sanctions and diplomacy a bit more time.

The rat is screaming, its lower half pinned under the mop and its upper body twisting around to get a good look at the asshole who's trying to kill it.  I have decided by now that this is a girl rat, due to a striking resemblance to Duchess, the boys' pet rat we had some 14 or 15 years ago, and one of the sweetest pets you could hope to have.  Now how am I supposed to bash this poor little girl's brains out.

I managed to trap the thing under a box, closed off the open end with a dustpan and took the thing outside, with Leo now in tow to see what was so exciting.  What to do with the thing?  I opted to throw it into the street where it laid for a brief bit and then scurried off to the far side, there to probably die of massive internal injuries.

I returned to bed with no real hopes of getting back to sleep, but eventually managed to nod off.

Tonight I could use some relaxation.

Came home and experimented with Pumpkin Habanero Risotto, which I decided was darned tasty.  A little side salad and a cold mug of Lagunitas IPA and it was not a bad meal at all.

By the time I finish this post I will be about ready for bed.

Not that I expect much sleep.  I will probably be haunted by...
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh, Aaaahhh........................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

5 Comments:

Blogger khanten said...

So disgusting. But hilarious!

October 13, 2010 at 7:39 AM  
Blogger BJackie said...

I have major heebee jeebees after reading that.

I may have to try to p-h risotto. (Mike wouldn't even try my peanut butter habanero cookies - he's so anti-cookie! I thought the spiciness would sway him to try one, but no.)

October 13, 2010 at 7:48 AM  
Blogger Garage Sailing said...

Just a rat ... a filthy, slimy rat!
I remember Duchess...she was sweet, for a rat.

Your blog makes me laugh out loud.
Thank you.

October 13, 2010 at 5:47 PM  
Blogger Garage Sailing said...

Did anyone happen to watch the Colbert Report?
He also did a Chili's/Chilean Miners bit.

October 16, 2010 at 9:14 AM  
Blogger BJackie said...

No - didn't see the Colbert one - but I saw the John Stewart Chili's/Chilean Miner bit... They were singing the Chili's theme song, only it was "I want my miner's back" instead of "I want my baby back" (ribs). Too funny.

October 16, 2010 at 1:52 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home